dreams by someone who is out of reach?
Someone who you have not seen
in a very long time and that you are
highly unlikely to see again?
with this individual..
Albeit in the form of a dream..
Is this healthy?
Being given the opportunity to say
things i never really got to express..
All those nagging little pieces lines of information
that plague the aftermath of a past connection between
two people that didn't quite work out how i'd planned..
Is this good?
Are these dreams an expression of me letting go?
Getting all these things out of my system
once and for all?
Or is all this a sign of deep rooted attachment..
Not being able to let go of a person and a time
and place in my life that i didn't quite make the most out of?
One that i'm still..
After all these years..
Unwilling to shake.
I don't know.
My dreams have always been full of the type
of stereotypical imagery that i have been told
many times is SUPPOSED to be symbolic..
-Teeth falling out my mouth
-Walking around with my nob out
Things like this..
I've heard these things are supposed
to have certain meanings behind them.
But the dreams i'm currently
reffering to are very different..
I'm engaging in in-depth conversations,
getting answers to a lot of the questions
that i put forward..
These are two-way conversations.
New ground is being covered.
All the while this is happening..
i am actually AWARE that i am only in a dream
and this reunion is not entirely legitimate.
**I should point out that sometimes dreams that i know are dreams seem to spiral
into perverted sex acts very quickly or superhero type dreams but this is not the case,
no fucking occurs nor do i fly or climb walls or run up walls or aquire any type of alien weaponry**
When i wake up from all this talking bollocks,
it doesn't leave me with a feeling of longing for more
or disappointment at the dream ending.
Which is very suprising.
So the question remains..
Are these re-occuring dreams I'm having good or bad for me?
Is this something i should just appreciate
and take it at face value..
As in it being just a dream and nothing more..
Not something i should be spending time over-analizing..
Or is it a sign?
One that i am still heavily attached
to individuals that left my life many years ago..
It's crazy when thought is put to the issue.
As in it's highly likely the image i am projecting
of this individual doesn't represent them in the slighest,
i doubt they behave how i remember them to and it's a safe
bet to say they don't LOOK how i remember them to either..
At least i doubt it anyway.
So with that in mind,
this ghostly snapshot i'm mentally holding onto
isn't one of someone who is even here anymore,
it doesn't represent an actual individual who is out
there walking around..
So what is the point?
If it is just my brain's way of giving me a little relief
from the monotonous existence i lead at the moment..
Then i guess it's a pretty harmless thing to be indulging in.
It might even be GOOD for me.
If it's just reminding me of good times in my life
with someone who i miss..
If on the other hand..
If this is a sign that i am seriously emotionally stunted
and am unable to move forward, which would be a possibly
explanation for me replaying connections shared from my youth
with people that have not been in my life for a considerable
amount of time..
Perhaps i should start seeing the Psychologist again.
You can imagine what it's like being in a place like this,
when your opportunities to meet new people are completely
out of your hands..
The only way i can meet new people
is when they write letters to me.
An being as this is the age of email/Facebook/Youtube/RedTube
Milfhunters.com/Kingchile.com/Goatse.de people have other shit to be
doing than checking for some dude in jail..
So couple that with the amount of time
i have on my hands to think about prior events
that have happened in my life and the people that
have come and gone over the years..
It's not surprising that all this might
have an effect my subconscious an then in turn
pour over into my dreams and the people who frequent them.
But when it's the same person..
In a re-occuring role..
I hope that perhaps it's something
more than just a dream.
Things like this are what keep me going..