Change..
To be more precise.
Obviously I'd love to be sent home,
but if that does not happen, an there's a healthy chance it won't,
at the very least i will get some movement in my life and finally
leave this place..
I know it's not much..
But it's SOME thing to look forward to!!
You get me!!
Sometime in the next few months i will be starting
a new chapter in my life, as I'm not quite sure what that
will involve, it makes sense to at least mentally prepare for
such a drastic change of circumstances..
Remember..
I have not left this building in twenty four months.
Even the thought of riding in a car is exciting for me..
:(
I wish i was joking but it's true.
It will most certainly involve a pair of handcuffs,
TWO pairs of handcuffs actually (one for legs) and shackles,
but just to get a glimpse of the outside world..
People..
REAL people..
Doing normal things..
I'm going to really enjoy it.
:)
Obviously i would enjoy it a SHIT load more if
this was on the way to the immigration prison I'll be
sent to after i finish my sentence to await deportation..
:/
Shit..
Life doesn't always work out the way you want it to.
You have to make the most out of whatever is handed your way though!!
Appreciate the little things..
Take time to acknowledge what you DO have, instead of just focusing on what you want..
Otherwise when you finally get your hands on the things you desire,
it won't be good enough, you'll just move onto something else,
always pining for something out of reach..
I could spend all day thinking about coming home.
Where i would go..
Who i would see..
What we would do together..
I have to snap out of this type of thinking though,
otherwise i lose focus on now..
Today..
My appreciation for the present and all the things
i AM blessed to have starts to diminish..
"..Being content with what you are, with who you are, and with what you have now. It's knowing
that abundance, and experiences and relationships of real worth, come only when and if you are settled.
When you're balanced, the universe provides.." -Stuart Wilde
I've been fasting on and off for the last month or so.
Today i completed my SECOND twenty four hour fast!!
What made it extra special/difficult is that today was chicken day..
That might sound incredibly retarded,
but chicken is an EXTREMELY rare and valuable item in the prison system,
the market price has dropped somewhat but you can still flog a piece of bird
for a couple tunas..
NO problem..
So the fact that i passed on my bird today was a hot topic of discussion..
I didn't put it on the market either..
To his delight..
I gave it to my brother instead.
"MA N****R!! TELL EM TIMDOG!! BROOKLYN WE GO HARD! WE GO HARD!"
:)
I don't do it for religious reasons..
It helps me focus and work on my discipline.
When I'm fasting i feel a lot more in control of hour i behave..
What comes out of my mouth..
I feel like i notice my behavior and the people
around me's reactions a lot more and just generally
have a better understanding of what is happening
around me..
I guess taking the focus off eating gives your brain breathing space to do other things..
Your body is hungry and it's telling your brain,
but your will-power is over-riding these signals,
letting your body know who is in control,
in turn letting your brain focus on other things..
That's how i like to think about fasting..
:D
It's like training..
I don't know what is going to happen in the next few months..
I don't know know exactly where i will be next year or even what COUNTRY i will be in..
:/
It makes sense to prepare though.
One of the ways i do this is trying to improve what i have
and try to function a bit more productively..
So that when i inevitably start this next chapter in my life..
Whatever comes my way..
I'll not only be prepared for it..
I'll make the most out of it.
:)
"..Be the silent, controlled person who's moving relentlessly towards
freedom and away from restriction - towards your goals, one step at a time,
in an organized, patient way.." - Stuart Wilde
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