Sunday, 29 July 2012

Like a washing machine

I can type pretty fast.

Me sitting in front of 'the laptop' typing up
scribbled notes and pages of text over the past
year or so has given people the impression i am
good at writing.

Sometimes they will ask me to
put things together for them.

Letters to wives..


Things like that.

I've seen it all..

I try to give people advice and school them on the
tell-tale signs and symbols of what is to come in the near future,
how would be best to go forward and generally try to let them know
that i've been through this!!

Just like myself when i first came in her though..

They ain't hearing it.

They know best.

Nobody understands them.

That's fine.


You can only lead a horse to water..

It usually starts with the individual telling me they havn't
heard from 'wifey' in a while..

That she starts arguments over petty shit and keeps bringing
up incidents that happened months, even years before he
got knocked..


Between you and me..

This means his chick is on the way out the door.

She's sitting around..


He ain't about to pay for the bills..

Look after the kids..

She's missing the intimacy of the relationship,
and she's seeing all her freinds running around having
fun without a care in the world..

It's getting to her..

She wants out!!

An is looking for any excuse to bounce..

Now everything i just told YOU,
i'm not going to tell all that to an emotionally unstable,
extremely violent individual who is towering over me,
clutching a romantic poem that he's succesfully drooled
onto a piece of scrap paper..

His bottom lip is trembling..

He's teary eyed..

Fists clenched on his little poem..

Looking for ANY excuse to break a motherfucker in half..

If i was honest?

I'd tell Conan straight up that his girl is offski an
there's fuck all he can do about it.

Writing her soppy emails talking about the good
times doesn't mean shit..

Arguing ain't gonna do shit either,
an neither is reminder her good you used to
'beat the pussy up'..

Unless you WANT to speed up the process of her
finding a new dick to smoke..

You are powerless.

She knows this.

All the fly grammer in the world ain't doin' SHIT,
if she genuinely haves love for a motherfucker she's
gonna do the right thing an hold you down..

If not?

Then count yourself lucky you got a heads up
so early on in life that your partner wasn't genuine,
now you can concentrate on the people that DO give
a fuck about you..

You'll know who they are..

People don't wanna hear that.

After the fifth or sixth time i shared this advice to an individual,
they nodded their head in agreement..

Gave me about ten handslaps/shakes..

Then when i finished talking?

Looked at me with a blank stare..

"yeah but.."

An gave a list of completely irrational
reasons and naive explanations for 'wifeys'


Now i just do what they want me to do!

You want a next romantic letter where i make up a
load of qualities i love about your wife while you play cards?

No problem!

You want a next freaked out letter where i talk about flicking
your wifes asshole 'til it winks at me an i proceed to stuff it
full of 'my big black cock'?

No problem!

You want a next emotional letter where i talk about how,
before i sleep each night, i look at your wifes photo and place
my hand on the cold steel wall, hoping that your wife still remembers
how much it meant to look into your wifes eyes and know that god
created us as two of a kind and that i would go to the ends of the
world to find your wife just to hold her hand and tell her i love her?

No problem!

If doing this for someone who is not ready to face what is happening
in their life will make them happy, give them some hope, get them through the day,
then it's not a problem..

As long as i get AT LEAST a cup of coffee and some cake,
i'll do my best for them..

I really will..

Perhaps one day it'll actually work!!

Instead of their wife reading an email that CLEARLY wasn't written
by their delinquent husband..

Then proceeding to run out the house an
go gobble up a mystery dick..

They are reminded that somewhere in their city,
behind tonnes of concrete and steel..

Underneath all those bullet holes and tattoos..

Sits a man who is pining for his wife.

Despite how critial his reality seems,
he just want to know she's going to be there for him
through these hard times he's found himself in..


But this New York City.


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