Tuesday, 14 December 2010

its gonna be a beef ting

The situation i have found myself in, is a tricky one. I am in a pre-trial facility, meaning i'm just waiting around to go to trial, or 'cop out' which means pleading guilty to certain offences. While in here, you are monitered on your behaviour, how you get on with staff and inmates, and general horseshit like that.
 When it comes to sentancing, the type of facility you will go to depends on your pre sentance report. As in how you behaved in jail or on the street leading up to sentancing. You can go to a camp/low/medium/high. It also has to do with whether you did a violent crime, drugs, things like that.
 Common sense would tell you, that i'm hoping for a low category. To do this would mean staying out of trouble, keeping my nose clean, and no fighting. In an ideal world, everyone would do this. People would have enough common sense to realise that the more fuckries you do, the more you're just fucking your own case. But this is New York Federal Jail, if the majority of people had common sense, they wouldn't be in here. So thing's don't always go to plan..and when they don't you're faced with a choice. Either let someone take advantage/mug you off, so you don't end up fighting or getting send to the box, or you fight and deal with it as you see fit.
 Some people in here, are fucking clowns. Bozo the clown, zippo the clown, dickface the clown, we have them all. Clowns behaviour are motivated by trying to get laughs. As they are clowns..u get me.
 Being an Englishman here, and one of the only white people in around 90 inmates, i have to deal with clowns on a regular basis. Most people can either be laughed off, or if they overstep the mark, you exchange words. Sometimes words are not enough.
 A lot of these clowns are absolute pussies. They are from the bozo section. As sha said "Stay in the bozo section, you step into the real n****r section you're gonna get hurt". Some of these morons forget what section they are from, and need reminding. And so the story unfolds..
 I was having a bit of heated exchanges with one queen moron. The way he operated, was constantly talking shit to everyone. never doing anything other than TALKING shit. He is cellmates with another clown. They have a circus, it's called willy wankers . This clown had on many occasions, pushed his luck. We were freinds for a certain amount of time, then the jokes got too much. I told him one day, that if he continued to make jokes about me, we are going to have problems. We didn't speak for a few days.
 I find myself on the computer. It's two minutes before lockdown, i've just got on, and i have shit to do...like write amusing things for people like you who should be working but are reading this instead! So i just got on, and i have shit to do.
"yo hurry up"
"err how about no."
"how long you gonna be hurry up"
"i'm gonna be as long as i'm gonna be, shut the fuck up"
 I finish on the computer, when i FEEL like finishing, and here some muttered words about being a faggot or something (being the intelligent non ignorant people they are, americans love that word) and i ignore it and walk to my cell.
 The guard comes round and locks all the doors. This royal baffoon is an orderly, meaning he gets to stay out to mop the floors. Doesn't get paid, just does it so he can stick his tongue right up the guards ass for brown noseries.
 My door is locked. This clown comes up to my door an starts talking mad shit about how i'm lucky i didn't get fucked up and so on and so on, i just stare at him, in disbelief of this morons cowardice. Shy is just standing behind me staring at him too, saying nothing. The cocknose leaves.
"dude, it's time to settle this" Sha says very quietly..

 Enough was enough. Sha explained to me how if this was ignored, would only escalete, and the other clowns from the circus would get in their clown cars and come join in the moron parade. So it had to be dealt with. A plan was formed.

 Next morning, i prepared. I got all my letters together, put all of my things in order. I was preparing to get sent to the box. It was inevitable, if you're going to fight, you're going to solitary. I was prepared for this, there was no way that this morning was not going to start any other way than me going into this guys cell, pulling him off his bed by his braids, and beating shit down his leg. Sha was with me, and said to me..
"if his cellmate touches you, i'm gonna make sure he touches every fucking surface in this motherfucker"
 So that was that. We were just waiting for the guard to let us out in the morning, then it's rumble time. I had made the decision and was sticking to it, fuck doing this blog, fuck being comfortable in my unit, i couldn't smash the prosecutors face in reversable style, so this guy was going to have to do.
 Sha has a better idea.
Instead of us going in the cell and causing a bloodbath, Sha says he is going to talk to the guy and arrange us rumbling later in the day. This way, the guard isn't going to come running when he starts screaming, and there is a posibility that i might get away with it.
 So Sha goes to speak with him. He comes back.
"dude, i told him the situation. I let him know that you are pissed as a motherfucker, and had every intention of coming in here while you was asleep with a lock in a sock and smashing your face in. He apologised to me, and i told him that if i even see him or any of his freinds talking about you again, i'll drag them to the cell, close the door, and let T beat shit down their leg and drag you out in front of all your little bozo freinds."
 Since that morning, the guy won't even look me in the face. He avoids all eye contact.
I overheard everyone playing cards outside my door the other morning, the clown starts talking trash about someone, and is met with the reply "yo if don't shut the fuck up I'll go wake Timdog up an get him to slap the shit out of you"..which was met with silence.

 All things happen for a reason. This happened for a reason, it was a reminder for me. I'm not in a holiday camp, i'm on vacation, i'm in jail. It's serious now. Metaphorically speaking, i'm Jonah inside the fucking whale. If i don't stay on top of things, i will drown. And that can't happen.

No comments:

Post a Comment