Friday, 28 March 2014

Like a sailor

I got work in the morning..

Just finished ironing my kitchen whites..

I find it very relaxing ironing my clothes the night before work.

I dont really know what I’m doing and take way too long but if I dont try I will never learn..

There are around seventy prisoners in my unit and they like to constantly make noise, whether it’s shouting at each other across the table, whistling or swearing at women on the telly, from nine in the morning to eleven at night there is a wave of noise that rises and falls depending on whats on the spanish tv. Around seven things die down a bit and because of this, I do my ironing..

Try to do my ironing..

As this is prison the bloody thing is chained to the wall and as the chain is very small things are not ideal, but I do my best,

More often than not the bastard got no water in it and untold burnt plastic on the bottom,
but again,
I try to make it work..

Why go through all this effort sweating it out under the spanish tv, trying to ignore the thunderous applause each time a chick with a dick is on caso cerado?

Even though im burning holes in paper thin bootleg tshirts that turn yellow after one wash, it’s still nice to take some time out to try do something that will make me feel good.

Same reason I get a haircut every two weeks and occasionaly cook up some bull shit with my Russian friend..

It’s cool though.

Spending time on my own, thinking about how I used to stuff my clothes under my mattress to iron them!

That was some bullshit!

Especially considering the mattress in MCC were about a thousand years old with bare dusty knives hidden inside them! 

Real talk!

One freind of mine from Newburgh found a big bone crusher banger in his bed,
got rid of it and the mattress,
then found some hench knitting needle of a knife in his next one!


To be fair..

Considering each time this guy found a banger in his bed his cellie was not shocked in any way shape or form there was a bit more to the story than just a magic mattress..

But still..

That I am in a position where I do not have to stuff my sunday best under a soiled mattress to poorly imitate the appearance of ironed clothing is a step in the right direction..

Friday, 21 March 2014

Pretending to read

- The individual who explores his psyche can, and should, be committed to and guided by his god as well as continuing his active role in the physical world.

- Individual conscious

- Personal consciousness

- Collective unconscious

- Intimate contact with the material world

- Intimate contact with the spirit

- Conscience of the presence of divinity

- Psyche
  Divine source

- Metaphysical structure

- Three degrees

- Faith for the apprentice who is ignorant of the nature of the thing to which he aspires

- Hope for the fellow craft who can glimpse enough of the nature of the goal to cause him to yearn for it

- Charity for the master who has achieved his goal and is able to nurture those junior to him

- By extending one’s awareness, one has the capacity to be conscious of the presence of the deity itself

- If one makes a real effort to understand one’s self, one’s motivations and one’s behaviour, the deity (or its agents) will provide the experiences which will facilitate that learning

- Observe what is happening in life, interpret it in the context of symbolism, learn from the experience

Thursday, 13 March 2014

Notes in February

It’s about nine oclock on a Friday night, they are giving out the clean laundry by the door but my bunkie is picking mine up for me,

Timothy is sat on his bunk on this valentines day, surrounded by papers, sweatpants and my jean jacket that i use for a blanket,

flicking through book pages for references and occassionaly glancing up at the spanish telly..

I got work in the morning and as i slept two hours last night it's best if i try get some kip soon..

I'm wondering,

I've gone through my adult life with an idea of what i want to do,
a vague collection of interests woven together in a picturesque circumstance that, as i have not been able to put together, perhaps i'd be better off scrapping?

Not in a defeatist way but more, i guess, i keep thinking of my old bunkies expression,
that repeating the same thing expecting different results is crazy?

Now i'm not exactly planning on a repetition of my previous day to day hustle, but perhaps scrapping what i thought i wanted for most my adult life is good for me,
opening the horizons, 
less limitating?

I'm not going to be denying myself things i am passionate about,
it's more about breaking down the initial mental picture ive had of what i perceive an ideal life to be,
taking the core principles behind it and applying it to alternative, more obtainable and realistic circumstances...

This is where i'm at right now..

Wednesday, 19 February 2014

90 days left

After a long break I’ve started to fast again, my new routine is fasting from breakfast on Thursday morning to the following breakfast on Friday,

I work on Fridays in the kitchen, but it’s nice to take some time out during the week to clear my head.

I am just about on the point of having ninety days left until my release date and at times anxiety can get the best of me,
not paying attention to the constant stupidity and ignorance around me can also be hard,

But I’m doing good.

There have been a few incidents recently that I am proud of..

Anyone or most people who knew me prior to my incarceration may remember my wreckless approach to voicing my opinion particularly to a polar opposite opinuated individual,

I would get into massive arguments with people and needlessly lecture long after it was established that both parties viewpoints were not wavering,
emotion would take over from logic,
energy and time needlessly wasted,
with an outcome of frustration and annoyance for everyone involved..

The specifics of what occurred recently need not be shared as, if you are someone I know or identify with or hold similar views to,
whatever it is that was said to me that I found offencive will probably annoy you too which makes it pointless,
if I give a fuck about your wellbeing, sharing it with you..

Just take my word that they were very poisonous and ignorant comments that were said to me under the assumption that, due to my light complexion, I would agree with..

This is nothing new to me pre or post arrest but my reaction, in hindsight, was definitely something for me to ruminate over and worthy of a little contemplation..

I didn’t get mad and raise my voice nor argue why the comments muttered were wrong..

Instead I calmly explained my opinion and why I felt differently, then kept it pushing..

No need for emotional input or aggressive reaction!

It only serves as validation to the ignorant..

A few calm words breaking down your opposing opinion must be more productive than a lot of angry ones attacking someone elses, right?

It seems that way to me..

At least NOWdays..

Every week or so I have been exchanging books with my friend Voodoo.

First he gave me a book on the Knights Templar and in exchange I lent him a piece of text about the Shifting Models of Existence,

Earlier this week though I leant him a book on Enoch the Ethiopian prophet and his transofrmation into the archangel Metatron and Voodoo lent me,

"The Unencumered Spirit-Reflectations of a Chinese sage"

It is a book of ancient Chinese proverbs that I highly recommend giving a read..

Reading this today made me smile..

"When attacking someones faults, do not be too severe, 
you need to consider how well he will weather what he hears. 
When teaching someone by showing them what is good, 
do not pass certain heights,
but hit upon what he should be able to follow"
-Hung Ying-Ming